Friday, December 17, 2010

It's Not Loud Enough

You may have gotten the idea, if you've been reading this blog for a while, that I'm not a newbie to writing.  I have books older than some of you.  There.  I outed myself.

Yesterday, after a considerable amount of time, I got a rejection from an agent for Bad Apple.  She said it wasn't loud enough.

WTF does that mean?

Ms. To Be Unnamed. If you were going to trouble yourself replying to my email, you should have taken that seriously and not blown me off with such an inane comment that defies translation.  What's "loud" mean when applied to something that inherently has no sound?  It's a book, not the 1812 Overture. The writing isn't crude and vulgar enough?  It should be more hyped and fervid?

The first line of this book is "I could smell the blood before I could see him".  I guess I should have gone right into the kitchen and said his head had been bashed in so thoroughly the jaw jellified.  I'm not sure that's a YA book, it sounds more like Konrath, but since I'm a writer I can't translate "loud" into anything I understand.

Maybe people should have been screaming in horror--altho that would have been out of character.  Maybe that's an old construct and we don't need characterization anymore we just need VOLUME.  Perhaps it's enough if you only arrogantly read a couple paragraphs and decided you are such a genius you know everything that's going to happen in the hands of someone who had already published 15 books traditionally and a good number digitally.

Who needs a whole freaking book?

So enjoy your future retirement.

These people richly deserve everything that's going to happen to them in the next few years.

I have to get back to Bad Apple 2, I assure you I will not be turning up the volume to 11.

I made this vid last year or the year before, maybe you'll enjoy it.  The song we know as Carol of the Bells is really a Ukrainian song from over 100 years ago that has nothing at all to do with Christmas.  But I put the song together with Christmasy images anyway.

No comments: